She's JV to your varsity
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
