Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
