Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Randomize
