He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
