my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
