Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Watching her eat just hurts me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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