Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think people are normalizing furries
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
