Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize