i just had sex bonerless
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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