i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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