Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
