How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
