never play flip cup with pint glasses
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
