DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
