You're so nebulous sometimes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
