peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
