Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's rum buckets o'clock
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
