he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize