I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
