me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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