I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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