some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
