PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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