therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am spending my child support on dildos
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
