I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
