wanna go halves on a baby?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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