I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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