So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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