I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
