Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
