And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
