oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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