I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
