Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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