I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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