Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
