Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
