my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
