my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
