I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Found your dick twin last night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
