u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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