you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
