Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
