last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
