My sheets look like a crime scene.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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