i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
