Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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