see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
