i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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