OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
