so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
