hell yes lets make some ravioli
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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