i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
