i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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