Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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