I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
