3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
