I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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