Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
