god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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