I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
