I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
