come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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