I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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