Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
