She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
